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polyarmory2009-02-22 10:43 pm
shortitude.livejournal.com) wrote in polyarmory2009-02-22 10:43 pm
FIC: As I Stand Here Dying [RUNAWAYS: Gert] 1/1
Title: As I Stand Here Dying
Author: Cella [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stereotype_vamp]
Fandom: Runaways
Characters: Gertrude Yorkes
Rating: Teen
Summary: They should give instructions for this. GERT. It's not easy with a knife in your stomach.
Spoilers: Volume 2, issue 18.
A/N: I wrote this as the sample post to a roleplaying game, and it ended up being so angstfully epic that I thought I should share. Unbetaed, will revise tomorrow.
As I Sit Here Dying
There are so many things she has not done. So many moments she hasn't lived.
She hasn't fought with Karolina and Nico over who'll tell Molly about the birds and the bees. She hasn't woken up in the morning and smiled at Chase and told him those three little words neither of them have had the courage to say outside a life-and-death situation. And this is one of those situations, and she wants to tell him how much she loves him, but it hurts in a different way now, because she'll never see him smile again. One of those things that you don't realise you need until you lose them. But what does she know, she's only just dying.
She hasn't started a campaign against evil parents who drag their children into those fucked up lives or force them into constantly running away. She bets she could raise the whole world for that cause, if everyone weren't such a damn coward. It's easier to fight against animal abuse than against children abuse. It's less personal, it hurts less. Adults are worse to deal with, because they have different weapons and powers and authority, which Gert just downright hates. If she weren't dying, maybe she'd start a hippie comune--Karolina would love that, she bets.
She hasn't got the time to say goodbye to everyone, which makes sense, actually, because that kind of tearful goodbye only happens in chic flicks, and that's not her territory at all. But if she had been a bit more precocious than she already is, if she'd had the realistic--pessimistic--thought of this actually happening, she'd have wrote them letters. Letters are personal. More personal than emails, at least, and she doesn't have the resources to make a video for each one of them.
To Molly, she'd write to tell her that it's okay to grow up, regardless of what they've been saying this whole time--herself included. It's okay to experience new things, like flying or singing in the rain, or falling in love for the first time. That she shouldn't be afraid of that, because Molly has a huge heart, and definitely enough love to drown a planet the size of Neptune. She'd tell her that while adults do suck, eventually everyone will turn into adults--but this doesn't mean they will be evil, too. She'd tell her that hey, if her parents conspired against others just to get her a ticket to Nirvana or whatever, that must've meant they loved her too, right? And maybe there is no pure evil, even though all their parents had come close to it. She'd tell Molly that it was okay to still love her parents, as long as she didn't grow up to be just like them. We might become adults one day, Molly, but how we will act when we do so is entirely our responsibility and choice. So if you'll still feel like scarfing down bowl after bowl of diabetes-inducing cereal and blackmailing people with your puppy-eyes look, I think it's safe to say you'll be a good adult. Our choices make us who we are, not our parents. Growing up is just the step we have to take.
To Nico, she'd leave a book on how to make make-up from natural ingredients, because kohl is tested on animals, and that is just cruel. She'd also tell her to stop it with the self-torture. Alex turning up to be a traitor was not her fault, it was his own. They didn't kill him, the Gibborim did. His death shouldn't weigh on her conscience--maybe just the fact that she kissed him. Ew. She'd remind Nico that she's a strong, independant woman, and that she didn't need males to oppress her power. Just look at Sylvia Plath! Then she'd add that maybe Nico should stay away from ovens. She would let her know that she trusts her as the leader of the pack, because even though she's not a strategist like Alex, she gets the gist of what the Runaways are about: survival. Not saving the world. Just living. We're kids, for fuck's sake, Nico. It's our right to live, and live peacefully. Do whatever you can to obtain that. So maybe they fight a few villains on the road, because another form of wrong is seeing evil be done and not doing anything to stop it, but that doesn't mean they will have to be the new Avengers. In fact, she'd tell Nico to stay away from those useless creeps too. How her future self got into that group, she has no idea. She'd also tell her that she'd miss her, and being able to sneak into her room and talk about hair dye and their future. I'm not asking you to torment yourselves missing me, but don't forget me. And keep Chase out of trouble, will you? And maybe she'd also say to stay away from Chase, because he's hers, but that's pointless once you're dead, so no.
To Karolina, she'd write the same she'd write to Nico, because the gist of the message is alike. She'd also apoligize for not giving her a second chance, of not trying to get to know each other better. But you have to understand, you're everything I'm not, and I always thought Chase was into you first, so... She'll tell her she encourages any sort of sexual orientation she might have, because she's open-minded like that, and also wish her luck in discovering who she is. Gert'd like to give her tips on that, but she's not an expert on it either. In fact, she pretty much sucks.
She'd write something to Victor, a small letter because even though he's with the group now, he wasn't there from the beginning, and not even Gert is that much of a saint. But she would tell him she's proud of how he handled his father, and that she has faith that he will protect her friends rather than harm them. Choices, Victor, it's all about choices.
And to Chase. She wouldn't know where to start. To say that she loves him, and fill a page with just that until it's embedded into his empty skull and her chubby fingers? Or maybe to thank him for letting her feel wanted, and beautiful, and loved. But Chase would know all that. His letter would be different. Don't be an idiot. Don't do something stupid. I know you'd make a pact with the devil to bring me back, because I'd do the same for you, but don't. I love you. Move on, but don't forget me. That she trusts him, that she's proud of all he's become until now, and that she will always be with him, one way or another, through Old Lace. That she did it for him, and she regrets nothing. That he should understand, because wouldn't he have done the same thing? That she's sorry she never got to wake up next to him and mumble 'I love you' into the skin of his shoulder, but she hopes he knows it, anyway. She hopes he does.
Someone said once that when you die, you see your whole life pass in front of your eyes. All Gertrude sees is Chase. If it weren't so painful, she'd laugh at the irony of it all. A martyr. She hopes the statue will be pretty, and the tales won't be too corny. But damn, wasn't it worth it.
Author: Cella [
stereotype_vamp] Fandom: Runaways
Characters: Gertrude Yorkes
Rating: Teen
Summary: They should give instructions for this. GERT. It's not easy with a knife in your stomach.
Spoilers: Volume 2, issue 18.
A/N: I wrote this as the sample post to a roleplaying game, and it ended up being so angstfully epic that I thought I should share. Unbetaed, will revise tomorrow.
There are so many things she has not done. So many moments she hasn't lived.
She hasn't fought with Karolina and Nico over who'll tell Molly about the birds and the bees. She hasn't woken up in the morning and smiled at Chase and told him those three little words neither of them have had the courage to say outside a life-and-death situation. And this is one of those situations, and she wants to tell him how much she loves him, but it hurts in a different way now, because she'll never see him smile again. One of those things that you don't realise you need until you lose them. But what does she know, she's only just dying.
She hasn't started a campaign against evil parents who drag their children into those fucked up lives or force them into constantly running away. She bets she could raise the whole world for that cause, if everyone weren't such a damn coward. It's easier to fight against animal abuse than against children abuse. It's less personal, it hurts less. Adults are worse to deal with, because they have different weapons and powers and authority, which Gert just downright hates. If she weren't dying, maybe she'd start a hippie comune--Karolina would love that, she bets.
She hasn't got the time to say goodbye to everyone, which makes sense, actually, because that kind of tearful goodbye only happens in chic flicks, and that's not her territory at all. But if she had been a bit more precocious than she already is, if she'd had the realistic--pessimistic--thought of this actually happening, she'd have wrote them letters. Letters are personal. More personal than emails, at least, and she doesn't have the resources to make a video for each one of them.
To Molly, she'd write to tell her that it's okay to grow up, regardless of what they've been saying this whole time--herself included. It's okay to experience new things, like flying or singing in the rain, or falling in love for the first time. That she shouldn't be afraid of that, because Molly has a huge heart, and definitely enough love to drown a planet the size of Neptune. She'd tell her that while adults do suck, eventually everyone will turn into adults--but this doesn't mean they will be evil, too. She'd tell her that hey, if her parents conspired against others just to get her a ticket to Nirvana or whatever, that must've meant they loved her too, right? And maybe there is no pure evil, even though all their parents had come close to it. She'd tell Molly that it was okay to still love her parents, as long as she didn't grow up to be just like them. We might become adults one day, Molly, but how we will act when we do so is entirely our responsibility and choice. So if you'll still feel like scarfing down bowl after bowl of diabetes-inducing cereal and blackmailing people with your puppy-eyes look, I think it's safe to say you'll be a good adult. Our choices make us who we are, not our parents. Growing up is just the step we have to take.
To Nico, she'd leave a book on how to make make-up from natural ingredients, because kohl is tested on animals, and that is just cruel. She'd also tell her to stop it with the self-torture. Alex turning up to be a traitor was not her fault, it was his own. They didn't kill him, the Gibborim did. His death shouldn't weigh on her conscience--maybe just the fact that she kissed him. Ew. She'd remind Nico that she's a strong, independant woman, and that she didn't need males to oppress her power. Just look at Sylvia Plath! Then she'd add that maybe Nico should stay away from ovens. She would let her know that she trusts her as the leader of the pack, because even though she's not a strategist like Alex, she gets the gist of what the Runaways are about: survival. Not saving the world. Just living. We're kids, for fuck's sake, Nico. It's our right to live, and live peacefully. Do whatever you can to obtain that. So maybe they fight a few villains on the road, because another form of wrong is seeing evil be done and not doing anything to stop it, but that doesn't mean they will have to be the new Avengers. In fact, she'd tell Nico to stay away from those useless creeps too. How her future self got into that group, she has no idea. She'd also tell her that she'd miss her, and being able to sneak into her room and talk about hair dye and their future. I'm not asking you to torment yourselves missing me, but don't forget me. And keep Chase out of trouble, will you? And maybe she'd also say to stay away from Chase, because he's hers, but that's pointless once you're dead, so no.
To Karolina, she'd write the same she'd write to Nico, because the gist of the message is alike. She'd also apoligize for not giving her a second chance, of not trying to get to know each other better. But you have to understand, you're everything I'm not, and I always thought Chase was into you first, so... She'll tell her she encourages any sort of sexual orientation she might have, because she's open-minded like that, and also wish her luck in discovering who she is. Gert'd like to give her tips on that, but she's not an expert on it either. In fact, she pretty much sucks.
She'd write something to Victor, a small letter because even though he's with the group now, he wasn't there from the beginning, and not even Gert is that much of a saint. But she would tell him she's proud of how he handled his father, and that she has faith that he will protect her friends rather than harm them. Choices, Victor, it's all about choices.
And to Chase. She wouldn't know where to start. To say that she loves him, and fill a page with just that until it's embedded into his empty skull and her chubby fingers? Or maybe to thank him for letting her feel wanted, and beautiful, and loved. But Chase would know all that. His letter would be different. Don't be an idiot. Don't do something stupid. I know you'd make a pact with the devil to bring me back, because I'd do the same for you, but don't. I love you. Move on, but don't forget me. That she trusts him, that she's proud of all he's become until now, and that she will always be with him, one way or another, through Old Lace. That she did it for him, and she regrets nothing. That he should understand, because wouldn't he have done the same thing? That she's sorry she never got to wake up next to him and mumble 'I love you' into the skin of his shoulder, but she hopes he knows it, anyway. She hopes he does.
Someone said once that when you die, you see your whole life pass in front of your eyes. All Gertrude sees is Chase. If it weren't so painful, she'd laugh at the irony of it all. A martyr. She hopes the statue will be pretty, and the tales won't be too corny. But damn, wasn't it worth it.