ext_377647 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
shortitude.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
polyarmory2007-10-21 04:39 am
shortitude.livejournal.com) wrote in polyarmory2007-10-21 04:39 am
Entry tags:
FIC: Tourniquet [Sakura/Deidara] 01/01
Title: Tourniquet
Author: Cella [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stereotype_vamp]
Fandom:Naruto
Ship: Sakura/Deidara (seriously cockblocked by the rest of the Akatsuki)
Rating: Teen+
Summary: ”SEMPAI, DON’T CHEAT!!”. SAKURA. DEIDARA. And twisting.
Spoilers: Spoilers to everything up to 374, though they’re all very very vague.
A/N:greenlemonapple, is the culprit of this. She placed crack ideas into my head about my obsession with Sakura, Akatsuki members and mind games—instantly, we’d started to figure out what game she’d play with each member. So expect this to be a collection of one-shots, either tied together (I rather like them being tied together and forming a multi-chapter), or independent. And expect crack. Bickering. A lot of people who were dead suddenly turning up to be alive. Discrepancy in timeline an plot. In fact, just call it a freaking AU if it comes to timeline, and spare yourselves the headache. Meant to be taken as fun-time-crack-joy. This part was supposed to have been only Deidara, but everyone else wanted in.
Tourniquet
”Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now... Starting now”
John Mayer, “My Stupid Mouth”
It was weeks later that Sakura had the revelation of the century.
After being reprimanded by Pein for playing tonsil hockey with the enemy—to which Sakura had politely told him to go suck on a lemon, since the fact that she’d been integrated in their group of insane mass-murderers as if she were their sister and mother was clearly all his fault (and the fact that he’d kept Zetsu so sexually frustrated that he had to start frolicking with the former prisoner in the grass, in plain sight, completely ruining Tobi’s poor innocence? Also Pein’s fault, clearly)—Sakura had started to notice changes in the rest of the Akatsuki members’ behaviours.
It wasn’t that they were nicer.
Or smiled more.
Or helped her drag her box with weapons up the stairs (obviously a bag full of kunais were too much of an effort to the pretty hands of an Uchiha).
Or even thanked her for cooking.
Or anything like that.
Rather, they’d started to be more…pushy. And by pushy, she meant annoyingly possessive. If you wanted to put it in a simple way: it was as if the whole male population of the Akatsuki had suddenly realised that Zetsu’s idea had been genius, and why shouldn’t they be allowed to take advantage of little onee-chan, when she was obviously not advert to kissing them—even though she insisted that the only reason she let Zetsu kiss her that long was because she was afraid he’d really eat her, if she pulled away.
In shorter terms: they were competing to see who got into her pants first.
Of course, Sakura being smart as she was, she realised this before hand, and took it to the only sane person in the group. Konan. Hoping that as a female, the woman would help Sakura defeat the idiots of the tribe, Sakura confided stupidly in Konan’s plans. The woman’s plans consisted in confiding everything to her God, and since said God—namely, Pein—was a bastard out to make Sakura’s—onee-chan for the rest—days a living hell, he created a weekly day of games. Once a week, Sakura would play a game with one member of the Akatsuki. Whether she lost, won, got killed, or got screwed with….well, that was her fault. Or at least that’s what Konan informed her, when telling her of the results of her plan.
Obviously, Konan was the worst of all.
And that was what got Sakura in this situation:
“Left hand, blue, Sakura,” the stoic voice of Uchiha Itachi instructed.
Sakura’s hand moved on a blue dot, her ass going up further in the air. Beneath her, her opponent dared to chuckle low in his throat. “This is amusing to you?” she growled at him.
“Oh, and how, hn,” he answered, grinning up at her. From the point of view of any outsider, their position looked exactly as two lovers in the middle of a—well…
“Fornicate,” Konan said, from her position on the couch.
“Tobi thinks the word is ‘copulate’, though,” the ‘innocent’ member of the Akatsuki supplied.
“No way, dude. It’s fucking ‘fuck’, seriously,” Hidan helpfully supplied. Sakura still wondered why the hell she’d helped piece him up together. Well, Kakuzu had also helped, but really, the bastard would’ve been better off as a talking head on a platter.
“Hidan, you idiot, I said an eight-letter word,” Pein dryly retorted, tapping the pencil against his lip. “I knew we should’ve sent him to school a day or two. Doesn’t even know how to count…”
“I fuckin’ know how to count, you asshole. See? This is my third finger,” he said, raising his hand, his middle finger in the air with a subtle grace that only Hidan possessed. That is to say, none.
“Will you stop talking about these things while we’re in this position?” Sakura growled at the terrifying members of Akatsuki. Seriously. Who played crosswords before dominating the world?
“Sakura-chan’s getting ideas, hn~” Deidara sing-sung, his tongue running over his lips. “Who’d have known she’s an exhibitionist.”
“You shut up,” she snapped at him.
“I don’t mind the publ—“
“Left leg red, Deidara,” Itachi’s voice interrupted.
Sakura gave him a grateful look, which was obviously not returned. Far be it for Itachi to act nice. Ever.
“Cockblocker,” Deidara muttered, moving his leg right under Sakura’s spread leg.
“Looks like Sakura-san’s winning,” Tobi said, admiration in his voice. “She’s so much more talented than you, sempai.”
“Hey, when the hell did you start with the Sakura admiration?” Deidara snapped.
“She looks prettier,” Tobi answered, shrugging.
“Am I the only one who thinks this is going to turn into a fuckin’ lovers’ spat?” Hidan muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.
“No,” the whole room—sans Sakura, Deidara, and Tobi—answered dryly.
“And she is not going to win,” Deidara groused, putting an end to the discussion against Tobi.
“Sempai thinks too much before hand,” Tobi answered chirpily.
“Yeah, keep dreaming, blondie. I’m winning,” Sakura finally interrupted. With another instruction from Itachi, she moves her right leg forward, on the red spot beside his hand.
“Deidara, left hand, blue.”
A moment passed as Deidara moved, and then—
“Did you lick my leg?!”
--chaos.
“I didn’t, hn.”
“Sempai did! Tobi saw it! Sempai’s cheating! He’s doing prohibited touching to the prisoner!”
“Former-prisoner,” Sakura interjected dryly.
“Sempai should not cheat! If sempai can’t win, he should just take the loss like a man, instead of taking the slimy worm’s way out.”
There was another moment of silence in the room, as everyone looked at Tobi with wide eyes.
“Dude. Fucking control that creepy voice of yours, seriously,” Hidan spoke.
“Tobi is sorry,” the swirl-masked man replied, his voice sounding chirpy and not chilly as before. The members of the room gave an involuntary shudder. And then—
“WILL YOU STOP LICKING MY LEG?”
“SEMPAI, DON’T CHEAT!”
“It’s not my fault the hands like what that have near them, un! They react to possible form of art.”
If the tongue on his left hand hadn’t been licking its way up Sakura’s calf, she might’ve realised there was a compliment in there. Actually, come to think of it, the tongue was moving rather precariously towards the edge of her shorts.
“Game over,” Itachi said, all of a sudden.
“But no-one fell—“ Kisame thought to say.
“Game over,” Itachi repeated, looking uninterestedly at Deidara. “It’s dinner time.” A few moments passed, while the people filtered out of the room, and Sakura lifted herself off from the Twister mat. An endless amount of cursing would never explain her hatred of the game at that moment. While everyone was busy leaving the room, Itachi and Deidara were engaged in a little game of Staredown of their own.
Deidara grinned, boldly, defiantly. Itachi stood up from the couch, and left the room, with one last glance at Deidara. The three asps of the Sharingan were visible as the man closed the door behind him. Deidara chuckled, low in his throat, heading to where Sakura was gathering the mat.
“Next time, we should play this without the public. Especially without sour-puss Uchiha,” he said, leaning down to lick her neck.
Sakura froze. “Remove yourself from my vicinity before I rip your tongues out.”
“But you let Zetsu kiss you, un…”
“Because I was afraid he’d eat me if I stopped him.”
“Don’t worry, onee-chan,” he drawled. “I’ll eat you too, if it helps.”
“Get out!” she snapped.
“Dinner,” Itachi’s voice filtered through the room, the door half open to reveal his form.
“Seriously a cockblocker,” Deidara muttered as he followed Sakura towards the exit. Never to be one to give up, Deidara sneaked forward until he was at Sakura’s side, leaning down to whisper: “We should definitely do this again sometimes. Without sourpuss…and without the mat.”
“Deidara...”
“I’ll even let you top, un,” the blonde man grinned cheekily, pressing his hand on the small of her back, tongue brushing over her skin and causing her to jump.
That was when Sakura had her revelation about the Akatsuki. The second one, at least. Aside from being completely and utterly crazy, they were sex-craved. And she was the only female in the group—sans Konan who was practically Pein’s property—so that made her the target. If this continued, she’d probably end up going Uchiha massacre on their asses. And she’d never be guilty.
It was all Pein’s fault, after all.
Author: Cella [
stereotype_vamp] Fandom:Naruto
Ship: Sakura/Deidara (seriously cockblocked by the rest of the Akatsuki)
Rating: Teen+
Summary: ”SEMPAI, DON’T CHEAT!!”. SAKURA. DEIDARA. And twisting.
Spoilers: Spoilers to everything up to 374, though they’re all very very vague.
A/N:
greenlemonapple, is the culprit of this. She placed crack ideas into my head about my obsession with Sakura, Akatsuki members and mind games—instantly, we’d started to figure out what game she’d play with each member. So expect this to be a collection of one-shots, either tied together (I rather like them being tied together and forming a multi-chapter), or independent. And expect crack. Bickering. A lot of people who were dead suddenly turning up to be alive. Discrepancy in timeline an plot. In fact, just call it a freaking AU if it comes to timeline, and spare yourselves the headache. Meant to be taken as fun-time-crack-joy. This part was supposed to have been only Deidara, but everyone else wanted in. ”Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now... Starting now”
John Mayer, “My Stupid Mouth”
It was weeks later that Sakura had the revelation of the century.
After being reprimanded by Pein for playing tonsil hockey with the enemy—to which Sakura had politely told him to go suck on a lemon, since the fact that she’d been integrated in their group of insane mass-murderers as if she were their sister and mother was clearly all his fault (and the fact that he’d kept Zetsu so sexually frustrated that he had to start frolicking with the former prisoner in the grass, in plain sight, completely ruining Tobi’s poor innocence? Also Pein’s fault, clearly)—Sakura had started to notice changes in the rest of the Akatsuki members’ behaviours.
It wasn’t that they were nicer.
Or smiled more.
Or helped her drag her box with weapons up the stairs (obviously a bag full of kunais were too much of an effort to the pretty hands of an Uchiha).
Or even thanked her for cooking.
Or anything like that.
Rather, they’d started to be more…pushy. And by pushy, she meant annoyingly possessive. If you wanted to put it in a simple way: it was as if the whole male population of the Akatsuki had suddenly realised that Zetsu’s idea had been genius, and why shouldn’t they be allowed to take advantage of little onee-chan, when she was obviously not advert to kissing them—even though she insisted that the only reason she let Zetsu kiss her that long was because she was afraid he’d really eat her, if she pulled away.
In shorter terms: they were competing to see who got into her pants first.
Of course, Sakura being smart as she was, she realised this before hand, and took it to the only sane person in the group. Konan. Hoping that as a female, the woman would help Sakura defeat the idiots of the tribe, Sakura confided stupidly in Konan’s plans. The woman’s plans consisted in confiding everything to her God, and since said God—namely, Pein—was a bastard out to make Sakura’s—onee-chan for the rest—days a living hell, he created a weekly day of games. Once a week, Sakura would play a game with one member of the Akatsuki. Whether she lost, won, got killed, or got screwed with….well, that was her fault. Or at least that’s what Konan informed her, when telling her of the results of her plan.
Obviously, Konan was the worst of all.
And that was what got Sakura in this situation:
“Left hand, blue, Sakura,” the stoic voice of Uchiha Itachi instructed.
Sakura’s hand moved on a blue dot, her ass going up further in the air. Beneath her, her opponent dared to chuckle low in his throat. “This is amusing to you?” she growled at him.
“Oh, and how, hn,” he answered, grinning up at her. From the point of view of any outsider, their position looked exactly as two lovers in the middle of a—well…
“Fornicate,” Konan said, from her position on the couch.
“Tobi thinks the word is ‘copulate’, though,” the ‘innocent’ member of the Akatsuki supplied.
“No way, dude. It’s fucking ‘fuck’, seriously,” Hidan helpfully supplied. Sakura still wondered why the hell she’d helped piece him up together. Well, Kakuzu had also helped, but really, the bastard would’ve been better off as a talking head on a platter.
“Hidan, you idiot, I said an eight-letter word,” Pein dryly retorted, tapping the pencil against his lip. “I knew we should’ve sent him to school a day or two. Doesn’t even know how to count…”
“I fuckin’ know how to count, you asshole. See? This is my third finger,” he said, raising his hand, his middle finger in the air with a subtle grace that only Hidan possessed. That is to say, none.
“Will you stop talking about these things while we’re in this position?” Sakura growled at the terrifying members of Akatsuki. Seriously. Who played crosswords before dominating the world?
“Sakura-chan’s getting ideas, hn~” Deidara sing-sung, his tongue running over his lips. “Who’d have known she’s an exhibitionist.”
“You shut up,” she snapped at him.
“I don’t mind the publ—“
“Left leg red, Deidara,” Itachi’s voice interrupted.
Sakura gave him a grateful look, which was obviously not returned. Far be it for Itachi to act nice. Ever.
“Cockblocker,” Deidara muttered, moving his leg right under Sakura’s spread leg.
“Looks like Sakura-san’s winning,” Tobi said, admiration in his voice. “She’s so much more talented than you, sempai.”
“Hey, when the hell did you start with the Sakura admiration?” Deidara snapped.
“She looks prettier,” Tobi answered, shrugging.
“Am I the only one who thinks this is going to turn into a fuckin’ lovers’ spat?” Hidan muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.
“No,” the whole room—sans Sakura, Deidara, and Tobi—answered dryly.
“And she is not going to win,” Deidara groused, putting an end to the discussion against Tobi.
“Sempai thinks too much before hand,” Tobi answered chirpily.
“Yeah, keep dreaming, blondie. I’m winning,” Sakura finally interrupted. With another instruction from Itachi, she moves her right leg forward, on the red spot beside his hand.
“Deidara, left hand, blue.”
A moment passed as Deidara moved, and then—
“Did you lick my leg?!”
--chaos.
“I didn’t, hn.”
“Sempai did! Tobi saw it! Sempai’s cheating! He’s doing prohibited touching to the prisoner!”
“Former-prisoner,” Sakura interjected dryly.
“Sempai should not cheat! If sempai can’t win, he should just take the loss like a man, instead of taking the slimy worm’s way out.”
There was another moment of silence in the room, as everyone looked at Tobi with wide eyes.
“Dude. Fucking control that creepy voice of yours, seriously,” Hidan spoke.
“Tobi is sorry,” the swirl-masked man replied, his voice sounding chirpy and not chilly as before. The members of the room gave an involuntary shudder. And then—
“WILL YOU STOP LICKING MY LEG?”
“SEMPAI, DON’T CHEAT!”
“It’s not my fault the hands like what that have near them, un! They react to possible form of art.”
If the tongue on his left hand hadn’t been licking its way up Sakura’s calf, she might’ve realised there was a compliment in there. Actually, come to think of it, the tongue was moving rather precariously towards the edge of her shorts.
“Game over,” Itachi said, all of a sudden.
“But no-one fell—“ Kisame thought to say.
“Game over,” Itachi repeated, looking uninterestedly at Deidara. “It’s dinner time.” A few moments passed, while the people filtered out of the room, and Sakura lifted herself off from the Twister mat. An endless amount of cursing would never explain her hatred of the game at that moment. While everyone was busy leaving the room, Itachi and Deidara were engaged in a little game of Staredown of their own.
Deidara grinned, boldly, defiantly. Itachi stood up from the couch, and left the room, with one last glance at Deidara. The three asps of the Sharingan were visible as the man closed the door behind him. Deidara chuckled, low in his throat, heading to where Sakura was gathering the mat.
“Next time, we should play this without the public. Especially without sour-puss Uchiha,” he said, leaning down to lick her neck.
Sakura froze. “Remove yourself from my vicinity before I rip your tongues out.”
“But you let Zetsu kiss you, un…”
“Because I was afraid he’d eat me if I stopped him.”
“Don’t worry, onee-chan,” he drawled. “I’ll eat you too, if it helps.”
“Get out!” she snapped.
“Dinner,” Itachi’s voice filtered through the room, the door half open to reveal his form.
“Seriously a cockblocker,” Deidara muttered as he followed Sakura towards the exit. Never to be one to give up, Deidara sneaked forward until he was at Sakura’s side, leaning down to whisper: “We should definitely do this again sometimes. Without sourpuss…and without the mat.”
“Deidara...”
“I’ll even let you top, un,” the blonde man grinned cheekily, pressing his hand on the small of her back, tongue brushing over her skin and causing her to jump.
That was when Sakura had her revelation about the Akatsuki. The second one, at least. Aside from being completely and utterly crazy, they were sex-craved. And she was the only female in the group—sans Konan who was practically Pein’s property—so that made her the target. If this continued, she’d probably end up going Uchiha massacre on their asses. And she’d never be guilty.
It was all Pein’s fault, after all.